It's OK That You're Not OK & Megan Devine's Refuge in Grief

I honestly recommend Megan Devine's book, It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand, at least twice a week since I read it in graduate school. It is so widely and inevitably applicable, grounded in wisdom and rich with helpful, mindful advice ideas and practices to cope with grief, not force it away, deny or fix it. 

@refugeingrief writes, "It’s OK That You’re Not OK as "a book for grieving people, those who love them, and all those seeking to love themselves—and each other—better." ​The first weeks and months after someone you love dies are incredibly difficult territory to plumb through on your own--or even know how to do that, how to orient to the loss internally and externally. 

"Many people who have suffered a loss feel judged, dismissed, and misunderstood by a culture that wants to “solve” grief," Megan writes, “Grief no more needs a solution than love needs a solution." Megan also debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, “happy” life, replacing it with a far healthier middle path, one that invites us to build a life alongside grief rather than seeking to overcome it.

Some of the ground Devine's book covers include: 

• Why typical approaches to grief don't work or feel effective
• Challenging the myths of grief—there aren't stages, timetables, or unrealistic ideals that we presume about how grief should unfold.
• Accepting grief as a mystery to be honored instead of a problem to solve
• Practical guidance for managing stress, improving sleep, and decreasing anxiety without trying to “fix” the pain
• Suggestions for how to help the people you love—with essays on developing skills, checklists, and methods of comforting others through their grieving process.
  
  

I often recommend chapter 14 in particular to friends and families of someone who is deeply struggling with grief, PTSD, depression, mental illness--many mental health conditions result in, mimic, mirror, or otherwise overlap with grief and loss. It all depends on the individual. How this chapter is written beautifully does the emotional labor of educating loved ones on how they can actively empathize, understand, and be of solid moral support when someone you love is grieving, struggling, or stuck. 
Devine's book is known as a grief book like no other, and a resource for people to heal, grow, and normalize their experience of grief. With a mindfulness based orientation, her writing and podcasts offer insights and empowering supports that tune you into, as opposed to out of, your body. I see this as a great service and support to the overarching healing process that is just as individual as grief, and often goes hand in hand with it.

Surviving Early Grief 
This graphic, created by Refuge in Grief, is titled 8 Simple Rules for Impossible Times: How to Survive Early Grief. This is an example of a free, printable, sharable resource they offer that meets a need for all of us, our loved ones, and our communities. 
​
I'm grieving / Someone I know is grieving
If this applies to you, I invite you to click on the link above to visit the official Refuge in Grief website. They offer an impressive range of resources, free and available for purchase, including Devine's book, her guided grief journal, podcast, and information about the Writing your Grief courses. As a therapist, I think this is a fantastic, accessible, deeply-needed and attuned body of work that Megan Devine and her team have put together. Find her in the PBS documentary Speaking Grief, and in the new podcast, Here After with Megan Devine. For clinical training and resources for healthcare workers, learn more here.